Feeling Sentimental

This morning I opened the Marmite sandwich case that has waited on my desk since I unpacked my bags last Christmas. There isn't anything valuable inside, but for me those little thing are precious. Because of the memories they hold.

Inside there's a chestnut I picked on my first day to work in London, and an acorn I took with me on the second day. A quirky bottle cap I found during my lunch break from that little park-like area behind the cafeteria. Various pebbles I picked for various reasons during those three months in that city. A piece of glass from a broken bottle from the bus stop I saved just because it looked so beautiful in the car lights. And lots of seashells from Brighton beach. Bigger ones, and then small pieces that look more like pebbles than seashells, as they are smoothed and eaten by the sea. I remember how my boyfriend laughed when I had my pockets full of them. I remember the wind in my hair and the salty splashes on my face. Those little things still smell like the sea and when I hold them in my hand I remember that precious day in that little funky town with the boy I love. It was probably one of the best days during my time in the UK. And after that memory come all the other ones, and I can't push them back to where they came from. I feel happy and sad at the same time when I remember things. And I don't want to close that little sandwich case anytime soon, because those pebbles in my hand have a meaning.

The same thing happens when I open the conditioner bottle in the shower and that smell of hops takes me back to the crappy bathroom with a smelly carpet and a cold bath tub under my feet. Or the taste of cherry coke, that reminds me of that long sunny Saturday when I got lost between Govent Garden and Leicester Square and walked for ages until I found a place I recognized. It might have been one of the best adventures I had in London, getting lost in the middle of the city on an average day.

I miss those times. I miss that city.

I wanna go back even though I know it wouldn't be the same for me anymore.

This has been a weird day

Today it looked like this when my dad was driving me home.

I have to concentrate when speaking Finnish. If I don't think what I'm saying, words escape from my mouth in English, and then I get weird looks from people around me. My thoughts are in English, so are my dreams. It feels weird, as this language has never felt natural to me. I had to study hard to learn it, and I only can speak it when I give a damn of all those mistakes I do all the time.

It also feels weird to be in an environment I know very well, but don't remember exactly. There are weird sounds in these building, and a weird smell in our bathroom. On the other hand, clothes I took from my suitcase smell weird too. Mostly like cigarettes and moist. I have to wash the whole lot before I can put them back to my closet. But that's allright, I'm so bored with those clothes anyway. Today I'm pro-choice and enjoy the possibilities of my wardrobe.

It's snowing horizontally, but nobody panics. There are no traffic jams, and it took same time to drive 150 kilometers as it took me to get to work every morning in London (within the distance of 10 kilometers). My boyfriend has filled our fridge with all the food I like, but wouldn't buy myself as the products cost so much. I then went to a grocery store to get some milk he had forgot and got shocked when I remembered how expensive cheese is in Finland. I didn't have any €, so I had to ask my dad to pay. There still is £100 in my purse.

It will take some days to get back here mentally. Right now I can't relax, and therefore can't sleep yet. I might get back to Finnish reality TV and the programs my boyfriend nicely recorded while I was out of here. Today he also gave me one of the funniest birthday presents yet: a mirror with fake moustache clued on it and candies that color my tongue blue. That will entertain me quite a long.

A message I found on our fridge door.

Are we there yet?

{source unknown}

Heathrow calling, can you hear me?

I browsed my blog and realized there is nothing but images for many days. But no worries, words are on their way. Although I enjoy picture books, so why not to keep one?

Right now I sit at the Heathrow airport and wait wait wait. I'm ready to go, but my plane isn't yet. Three more hours to wait, I shouldn't have come so early. But I still think it's better to sit here and write than sit on a train and panic. And now, when I've passed check-in and security checks, I feel a bit calmer. And a bit hungry as well. Have to go hunting soon, I guess.

I got a minicab to the airport. My driver was a young, nervous man with a guerrilla beard. He scratched his beard and gnashed his teeth all the way. It was a bit disturbing, I have to say, but at least he didn't try to talk. I'm far too tired to talk with strangers.

They took my luggage in, I didn't even have to pay anything extra. Which is a miracle, when you think I had 4 bags and 15 extra kilos with me. That's not even a lot, says a girl who's used to carry more stuff than an average camel. This time my biggest suitcase includes for example 3 kilos of crafting materials (including several tools) 2 kilos of jewelry (yeah, I might have a problem), various books, a pair of bright yellow Dr Martens and 1 kilo of pebbles and seashells. In other words, treasures. You can't throw treasures away. Or at least I can't.

At the security check I had to strip a lot. They didn't like me wearing all the layers and I had to take my belt and boots off. I have on me all the clothes that I couldn't stuff to any of my bags. That means, on the top of the basic underwear layer I have a pair of jeans, two pairs of woolen socks, a long-sleeved shirt, a woolen dress, a thick jumper, a hoodie, a coat and two scarves. Yes, it's a bit hot in here. Or it might just be me.

I'm exhausted, hungry and nervous about flying. It still feels good to be on my way home.

Small things that matter

Wednesday's Wish

I wish I had a cat.
But even more I wish
I were a cat.

{via}

PS. It's almost snowing here,
and it makes me happier.

My name is Cat, Copycat

Hands off! This was my idea first...

I found myself in Camden market today. I guess I should say 'again', cause this was my third time in there. And I still found some new parts of the market I haven't seen before. It really is one of my favourite places in London. I love all the creative products and the lively atmosphere. I love just to wander around looking at things and getting new ideas. Every time I see things I love, and things I would prefer done some other way.

And on the other hand, going to Camden makes me feel very usual. Every time I find out that somebody else somewhere else has thought the same way I did and got the same idea. Every time I find jewelry I've already done or have been planning to do, created by someone else. It makes me a bit sad. There sure is a place for all of us and our jewelry in this big big world (even though I don't feel like a big big girl...oh, nobody gets the joke cause you don't remember that Swedish hit I used to listen to as a 12-year-old. Blah.) but it still sucks to find out you're not that unique you thought you were. And cause I hate to be a copycat, finding out that some of the ideas I created in my own little head have also been born in somebody else's head makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm always afraid they'll think I'm copying them even though I'm not. And still I know that ideas are free and anyone can use and modify them. You can't say to others that this idea is mine, you can't do the same. I don't even want to. Maybe I just have to stop comparing myself and my work to others, but how is it possible in this world? And if you don't see works of the others, where the hell can you get material for building your new ideas?

I wanna be extraordinary. I just wanna be me, and feel like a personality, not like one of many. Maybe the only way to do that is to stop caring what others do, and stop analyzing that much. Nothing is really unique, so if I'm gonna make a problem about that, I can't do anything anymore. So let's be happy and make earrings of lego bricks and buttons as hundreds of others before us.

I'm not the only one doing this...

Things I'd like to take home when leaving London

- Polo Mints, lots of them
"Who doesn't have Polos?", asked my colleague. Well, ask Finns if you wanna hear a YES.

- Aero bubbles-chocolates, both flavours,
They just go so nicely with tea.

- Carmex lip balm, at least one tube
The name is a bit distracting, but it may be the best lip balm I've ever used.

- Aussie Mate Aussome Volume Shampoo and Real Volume Conditioner, at least 2 bottles each
Smells good and works well. I'm pleased even though my hair isn't that big they promised.

- Miss Sporty nail polishes, as many colors as possible
Super cheap, the loveliest colors, easy to use, dry quickly.

This list could be way longer, but I know even these won't fit.
Sophie, if I write you a list, could you send me something once in a while?
Like Poppet Mints, 4 cheese fresh pasta, Mars darks, Miso Soup Sachets, dark chocolate digestives or the upper layers of Double Decker chocolate bars...please?

Is this cup of tea half empty or half full?

We sit in a café. He writes postcards and I know I should too. I have fifteen stamps to use before I leave this city. I have friends and relatives waiting for greetings. They have waited patiently for the cards I promised. And I've already bought the cards, I just don't know what to write in them. Too many things to say. And still, most of it I've told already. On the phone or in my blogs. Is it all right to sen a card with just one word? Hello.

He's leaving tomorrow. Part of me wants to leave with him and go home already. I miss home. I miss our warm apartment and double windows not letting the rain in. And I'm gonna miss him. I just feel more complete when he's around. This week has been a good one.

But the other part of me knows there are still things to do before I'm ready. I have to finish what I started. I have to end my thoughts. I have to buy some things and get rid of some I don't need anymore. I have to visit some places I don't wanna miss even though I can never see all I wanted in here. I have to attend a christmas party and say goodbye too many times. I have to pack my bags and clean up my small blue room so it will be ready for the next one to come. I still have two weeks and I'm gonna use it well. But then...

then I'll come back and be happy I'm home again.

A moody monday

Everything is all right,
but I'm just terribly homesick today.
Almost wish I could back my packs and leave already.
When my best friend yesterday walked through the gates at the tube station,
there was a tear in my eye.
I almost followed her, and asked her to stay so I wouldn't have to be alone again.
Cause it's always harder when you've been with someone close to you, even for a short while.
Luckily there wasn't any credit in my Oyster and I couldn't get through, so it saved her for embarrasment.

I miss not only my friends and family, but also my flat.
I miss hot water coming out of the kitchen tap without waiting
and I miss being able to bake cakes (and that pleased smile on my boyfriends face when he walks in and smells the cake.)
I miss our sofas (even the ugly one)
and especially our bed. I miss sleeping together with someone
and not having to wake up alone.
I miss being able to call my mum without having to think how much that costs
and I miss someone who could understand my own language.
I miss a proper pizza (please believe me, you should never eat a pizza in England)
and someone cooking for me.
I miss snow and minus degrees, stars seen from our balcony when having a smoke (or in my case, a lollipop). I miss standing on the roof and being able to see the whole city.
I miss going to my favourite cafés
and spending time with you.
I miss you.

I miss comments.
Is there anyone out there?

Another Rainy Day in London

Another rainy day a long ago.

It rains a lot in here. Well, not as much as I thought it would ("Everybody always thinks it rains all the time in London. They are so wrong! This isn't bloody Ireland, for gods sake") but still a bit too much for me. For a girl who is always in bad mood when her toes are wet, almost any amount of rain is too much.

A rainy day means...
Waking up on the sound of rain and feeling extra tired because you know you have to go out soon.
Terrible traffic (even more terrible than usual) when people use their cars instead of buses.
Getting late because of the terrible traffic.
But you don't have to hurry that much, cause you're gonna be late anyway.
The smell of damp wool.
Various colors of umbrellas.
A good reason to use wellies.
Steamy windows you can't see through.
Jumping in the puddles (yes, I really love that).
Bad-tempered and sighing people all around.
An extra effort needed if you wanna stay in good mood.

But that's what I'm gonna do today. To be in good mood.
Cause I'm gonna get a visitor this evening and even thinking about that makes me smile.